I just watched Red State.

Ok now first off i'd like to say is that i came into this movie wanting to love it, mainly because it was directed/written by my favorite director, Kevin Smith. Now a lot of you might know Kevin Smith from his films like Clerks or Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, well this movie is not like that. At all. Its a "horror" movie, well that's what he calls it, but really its not scary, its not suspenseful, its not even chilling. I'd call it an action/religious film. Ok its essentially about a family of people that are like the Westboro Baptist Church family also know as the felps family. Now if you don't know who that is its the people that go to gay peoples funerals and hold up sighs that say like "God hates fags" or "God hates the U.S.A". there complete fucking morons that think God hates everything. well in this movie instead of the Felps family that just protest the things, this family (the coopers) does that and goes around kidnapping and murdering gay people and really anybody that commits sins. and they do this whole ceremony by wrapping them to a cross and shoot them. Now ya see all that that i just wrote you have to know all of that in order to get who these people are parodying. Ok one of my mine problems with this movie is that it never sets up anything, things just kinda happen and then its over. By the way this movie is only an hour and a half long movie but it goes by so fast that nothing in this movie is memorable. I don't even remember anybody's names, and i know what you're thinking oh he probably just didn't pay attention. No i payed attention i had to just to know what the fuck anyone was saying! Most of the people in this movie have no name, and I'm not saying like "church guy 1" as no name I'm saying that they say peoples names so little or sometimes not at all. Ok lets go to some good notes before i really get into. The acting is good for the most part accepted John Goodman, he just seemed really bored with his dialogue and really some of his line probably couldn't be said any better. I'm not saying I don't like John Goodman, I love him he is awesome and a great actor. But with this dialogue he can't do much with it. Ya know whats funny? The best thing Kevin Smith knows how to do is dialogue, so you'd think it would at least be good but no its not very good at all. The only part in the movie that i thought was great was Michael parks as "abin cooper" (yes i had to look his character's name because they say it like fucking 3 times and in such a low voice!) he was just great his dialogue was good, his acting was good, his character was good and the only one that i was interested in. Other then that most of the characters were either annoying or had no lines so they couldn't be anything. Ok I'm going to tell you the movie and this won't take long because there isn't much to say. So there three teenagers want to fuck someone so they go on this website and meet this chick who wants to bone them all at the same time. so they go to her trailer and she tells them to drink beer  so they can fuck. Well the beer was drugged and they pass out right after they see some people walking towards them. Oh i wonder if these are the bad guys???? So one of them wakes up in a cage in front of a bunch of people in a church. So after Michael parks finishes his sermon he reveals a guy strapped to a cross and shoots him in the head while preaching something from the bible. after that they get the guy in the cage up there and as there strapping him to the cross a cop shows up because when the kids where driving to that lady's trailer there sides swiped a car with a cop who was getting his dick sucked by another dude. so the cop told the other cop to go fined the car. so the cop sees the car. so Michael parks goes out there and starts to talk to him saying it was his granddaughter and shit. while this is happening the two other friends wake up under the stage of the church. so they try and get loose and one of them does and leaves thee other one still tide  up a little because he was scared? I don't know. so the one who gets out from under the stage runs around the basement and fined the gun room a room with like a ton of guns like AK-47's and shit like that. one of the guys fines him and they shoot each other at the same time. there dead. so the cop out side here the shoots fired and calls for back up right in front of Michael parks but not thinking to pull his gun out, he just stands there and lets some guy shoot him with a shotgun. Once i again a lot of people are stupid in this movie. so the other cop at the station calls John Goodman who is a SWAT guy for something I don't really know. he's got a team and the other cop with him. so the other kid under the stage manages to get to the gun room and get a gun only to walk right through the front of the church instead of sneaking to the sides and out the back. so of course everyone sees him and chases him but stupidly he don't use thee assault rifle that he just got he just runs around until he fines the front door and starts to run out and that's when the other cop shoots him without telling anyone he was going to do so so technically they just fired first at the coopers. so they get into this gun war and John Goodman calls for back up and his chef says that they need to kill everyone so they don't get in trouble for firing first on them. so gun fight happens people that we don't know and or don't care about die and then one of the girls runs out to tell the SWAT team that she wants to save the kids but they have to kill everyone so he is ordered to kill her. she runs back inside and the mom (lady from the trailer) asked what she was doing out there? so she says that she wants to save the kids but the mom being insane say they all need to die and be with jesus. so the girl fined the last kid that was getting strapped to the cross and say he has to help so the mom fines them she gets shot, they go out side and the SWAT shoots them in the face. so ya all of the main people from the beginning are dead the only people with any set up and character building is gone now. so after that they here a loud noise and Michael parks thinks it God and walks up to John Goodman and tells him its the rapture so that scene fades out to John Goodman telling FBI people the story and the end. So that was Red State in a nut shell. Now one thing i have to say before i close is that the cinematography is awful! this is one of the most shakiest movies ever! every time someone runs they need to hold the camera and shake it all around like they are having a fucking seizure. Shaky cam pisses the heel out of me and its even worse when this is not a guy holding a camera movie like Clover field and movies like that, its just poor cinematography and is just annoying. ok so finely thoughts, this movie sucked and was one of the worst Kevin Smith films ever. 4/10 for me and that is below average. Go see it if your a Kevin Smith fan because the money he make from this goes into SModcast and Hit somebody. but if you thinking its going to be scary and nasty then you are wrong. so ya thanks for reading i know this was long but i had alot to say so please comment and follow me on twitter and facebook: https://twitter.com/#!/jt_cano  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000515854164 thanks for reading and goodbye

By John Cano

I just watched The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

ok first off i'd like to say that i love this movie so much. It was one of the best nick cage films i've ever seen. Ok so the plot of the story is, Lieutenant Terence McDonagh is a drug heaving detective with a hooker girlfriend and alot of problems. The main one on his part is getting dope any chance he can get. im not going to tell you guys much but i am going to tell you what i thought about it. as you know i really really liked it, and the reason being was because of nick cage mostly. ok through out the whole movie he goes through this like bad luck streak, and you notice that he's going more and more insane. at first he is just a dirty cop but through out the movie he gets worse and worse, so worse that he up right pretends to bust some collage kids and takes there drugs and then makes the kid's girl friend fuck him or he will arrest them. another thing i love about the way nick cage plays this roll is that for a very calm sounding guy he can go fucking insane. his performence is just so fun and funny. its kind of like christopher walken in the sense that you just laugh by looking at him. now i did not give you the read out on this movie it is immpossible to do so, you have to see it for yourself. you can watch it on netflix and i highly recommend it ok. if i had to rate this movie i'd give it a 9/10. and the reason for not giving it a 10 was because of some of the supporting cast, they were't as good as i think they could of been. but hey thats just me.
Ok i know i haven't posted a review in awhile and the reason being is that i have been working of this podcast that im doing with my brother called "This Week In Movies" where we talk about movie news and other movie stuff. we tryed to record one time but do to some problems something happened and it didn't record any audio, so ya im working on geting that fixed. the other reason being is that i just haven't had much to say about the movies i've been watching. so ya thats it for now ill try to do another one soon and ya, thank for reading and please comment and tell me what you think and give me some requests too, because i would like to do movies that you guys want me to ok.
By,
John Cano

fallout new vegas

rented fallout new vegas, played for like 4 hours then i had a game ending glitch where i was unable to fire my weapon. ya thanks Microsoft another 8 dollars wasted. and for those of u who say "it was porbly the disc", fuck off u morons. o and the plot is fucking stupid to. if u liked fallout 3 u will like this one. i didnt like fallout 3, it was boring to! they said that they would have all new weapons, they didnt! o they had new names for some of them... this is just like fucking halo, it does not evolve! when fallout 3 came it was cool cause it was new. the other fallout games were real time strategy not a first person shooter. but what fallout 3 did was rip off obliven (the game play and and how to talk to people) im not saying thats a bad thing though, it was cool. obliven just had swords and shit, so wat fallout did was give it a more modern tune up. but whats new about new vegas? the map and story thats it... and thoughs things arent even done that well, i played for 4 fucking hours and got nowhere. and the maps are flat and unimpressive. the AI is fucking retarded and cant help u when there on your side. and when u are fighting them they sometimes just stand there and let u kill them. the only way u die in the game is if theres like fucking 6 guys with shot guns just shooting u to death or u trying so hard to target them with the shity fucking controls not leting u sometimes at all (part of the game ending glitch) bathesda softworks learn how to make a fucking game GOD DAMIT!!!!!!

thoughts on Hot Tub Time Machine

 this is a movie that when u first watch it you dont know if u like it or not. but when u watch it a second time u see that its a really fun movie. now is it good? thats hard to say, because u dont laugh alot. there are some chuckles here and there but, its not like your on the floor. the thing about this movie is that when your watching it u dont want it to end. and thats the sign of a good movie. the plot of this movie is stupid but in that "it's so stupid its funny" kind of way. the characters are very likable and i think it would not be the same if u didnt have the same actors. John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry, and Clark Duke do a fantastic job here. they all work together so fluently that u really believe they r best friends. if i had to rate this movie i would give it an 8/10. the reason i dont give it more was because there were some plot holes and sometimes theres parts that u wish were not in there. i do want u to go and see this movie and see it more then once ok. - john cano

just watched stephen king's the dead zone

 its was ok. the movie starts off awful just bad, the acting, the sound, just everything. it is soooo predictable. i thought even christopher walken couldnt save this film. ok for the first 50 min its sooo boring and sooo bad then it takes a turn, it like gets better and less and less predictable.ok the movies a about this guy named johnny (christopher walken) who is taking his girlfriend, sarah, home she invites him in but he says no, he says he want to wait. so she says ok fine. so it starts to rain and the camera looks at the car all weird like so u know he is ganna get into an accident. so he gets in the car and drives away, mean while a giant milk truck is driving and its driver falls asleep then he wakes up and turns the wheel so the car doesnt spin out but it does anyway? idk its stupid. but then the tanker it was carrying fell on its side and johnny drives right into it. ok in the seen u see him like 30 yards away from the truck and he could easily just turn but idk he just doesnt. so he crashes in a way where the car flips over but in no way that it would hurt anybody. so we cut and he is in the hospital and his girlfriend is there and he ends up being in a coma for 5 years and then wakes up and hes all like where am i what happened. so the doctor tells him and hes like 5 years what wheres sarah. it turns out sarah went and got married to an other dude. so at one point a nurse goes in and shakes johnnys hand and then the music goes all like psycho kind of music but just one of the load nosies. anyay he starts seeing visions and of her kid trapped in a fire and hes all your daughter is in a fire its not to late to save her and she like what r u taking about? so it turns out he was right and they got to the daughter in time. so he has powers and if he touches someone he can see there future or if there dead the last thing that happened to them. so people know he has powers and the cops come to his house and say theres a murderer and we need to help. so hes like ok ill help. so he goes with them and they find another body and he touches her and sees the killer and it turns out to be the cops partner so they go to his house and he see them and puts on he killing jacket and kills him self. the cop goes up stair and sees that he killed him self and johnny is with the mother and touches her hand and sees that she new he was killing people and he tells her that and she like just shaking and freaking out . so johnny goes up stairs and and to sees the cop and the mom grabs the dead partners gun and shots johnny and he just falls on the stairs so fakely and just all ahhh ow like, then the cop shots the mom and she goes down in the same bad acting way. so we are at the 50 min mark and here is where it gets good.

just watched shutter island

ok Ive got a lot to say about this one. first off i did like the movie i thought it was great. it had an interesting story and overall the acting was excellent. the plot is that a U.S marshal agent Teddy Daniels (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) goes to an island/mental hospital to find a missing patient who has escaped for the building the night before. 

ok when it starts off u dont really know whats going on but u get a feeling that not everything is as it seems. through out the movie u r always on your toes not know whats going to happen next. the music helps create a very suspenseful feel to the movie. ok this is really hard to explain but umm ok if u ever played the game bioshock its like that not the story but the suspense part of it. there is a point and click adventure game for the pc but it doesnt do it well. u really wish it is like alan wake or just a first person shooter type game. dont thick first person shooters are always those shit fucks like call of duty. again like bioshock it should be a survival horror. but anyway back to the movie. the whole time u watch the movie u see teddy going more and more insane, seeing illustration of his died wife or this little girl. but when u watch it u really want to know what the fucks going on, and so does leo he confused the whole time cause stuff keeps happening to him that doesnt make sense. like when u know someones lying to u, like say your friend stole your toy and u looked everywhere but could not find it then when u go ask u your friend if he took it and he says no but when u walk out of the room and come back its right there in plain sight is your toy and u say oh how weird to is that is wasnt there before i left but now its there. and your friend say oh i dont know what your talking about man. its like that through out the whole movie and u are wondering y this is happening all the time. but it is all explained soon enough at the end. there is a twist witch i dont really know if i like or not but it was fine. go see this movie it is worth your watch. its about 2 and half hours long but even during the talky scenes its not boring so ya go watch it and have fun with it ok. thanks for reading and please if u like my reviews i will always take requests.

review by John Cano

Just watched saints and soldiers

first off i'd just like to thank Jacob Valentine, he is the one who requested the movie for me to see. ok i did like the movie the story was ok and based on a true one, the acting was sub par though idk its just like half of the cast sounded like they were trying to hard. ok the plot of the movie is, is that a bunch of different soldiers (in world war two) were captured by the Germans and and lined up to be searched and then killed but one of them tryed to run and then they all did. so most of them were killed but the ones who did survive grouped up and planed an escape route. im not really sure what it was though but really its just move through snow until we see Americas. the main character decan (and u know that his name is decan because they say it over and over again for like 5 min) is freaking out or in shock because he almost got shoot or something. thats not really y but i dont want to spoil the real reason this is just the one they give u at the beginning. so hes on edge and is seeing flashes of something idk really what it is because at one point its a soldier and then its a little girl and then its a little girl and her mom so idk but anyway they are all worried cause he has the only gun. so they wonder around and find a place to take shelter and rest. then the germen's come and find the place so they hide under the floor for the night and wait for the Germen's to leave. the Germen's are siting there and then they get a call saying that an America plane has crashed landed and they need to go (decan is the only on who can speak German). so they leave and then the group goes to check it out and finds the pilot and he says he needs to get to the Americas base right away because he has info about the German's. so thats the plot. they have to get him to there base. ok now the movie is sometimes a little slow and boring. like the group keeps stopping and talking about uselessness things like there big secret or stupid stuff that doesn't matter. i think its trying to build character but it feels forced and unnecessary. it was fine i guess if i had to rate it 1 out of 10 id give it a 5/10 and thats average. its a good movie be nothing special. go see it. im John cano and thank u for reading. please request movies for me to do and i probably will do them.